I think I have finally recovered from BlogHer'11. Again, I would like to that Medifast for choosing to sponsor myself, Jenni and Stephanie. I hope we lived up to your expectations.

So would I go to BlogHer again, with or without a sponsor?

Hell Freaking Yeah I would!

This experience was beyond amazing. It strengthened friendships and built new ones (which is my absolute favorite part of any gathering). And after talking to a variety of people, BlogHer inspired me to focus even more on the health and wellness of my family thus inspiring the possible direction of this blog. (Don't worry, there will always be embarrassing photos in which I make an ass of myself). Personally, it showed me that while I have come so far on this weight loss journey that I still have many challenges ahead and issues to work on.

Above all else, I had an awesomely exhausting trip to San Diego! Best of all, there are only a few embarrassing photos....and erm...video! (See? I told you there will ALWAYS be embarrassing pics.) So I could tell you about the amazing sessions I went to - but you've probably already read the same schpeel on someone else's blog. I will say that all of the speakers were fantastic and totally brave for getting up in front of all of us. I learned so much from these women and I thank them for having the guts to get up on those panels and grace us with their knowledge.

So rather than repeat a lot of what has already been said on other blogs, instead, here is a crap ton of photos and one really amazing video from Mama Pop.

Well, it's no surprise, considering my indulgences over the weekend that I didn't lose this week. I broke even and I'm still at 195. Thank goodness for all that walking I did! I did weigh myself yesterday morning and it was not a pretty sight. I am glad that I chose to wait a day for an official weigh in number. The bloat is gone as is some other stuff. ;) 

I'm thrilled to have maintained. I had a great time, enjoyed my treats while still making some healthy choices and now I am 100% back on track. Hopefully I can make up for lost time this week and go for a big loss. My knees and hips no longer feel shattered so I am getting back to my 'wunning' today. I'm also getting all of my water in. 

Today I am looking up OEA meetings to find one in my area and setting up my first chat with the behavioral specialist at Medifast. Because even though I think I made a lot of good decisions while away from home, I am mindful of the bad choices I made. I need to learn how to work through that. It's 100% possible to lose and be on plan while out of town and I want to figure out how to cope with those challenges.

So that's that. I'm happy with maintaining in spite of the ridiculous schedule and countless temptations. I'm just going to keep moving forward and work toward better coping skills on the next trip.

Month One: -16 lbs

Month Two: -5 lbs
Month Three: -6 lbs
Month Four: -6 lbs
Month Five: -6 lbs

Week twenty one: -3 lbs

Week twenty two: -3 lbs
Week twenty three: 0 (maintained)

Total: 45 lbs gone forever!

If you're interested in trying Medifast, I have a great deal for you!  Use the code TURNIP50 to get $50 off an order of $275. 

*FTC  Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for  free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts  written here are mine. I love complaining  so I would tell you if I didn't like something in  the program. :)

~*Stephanie aka Goober Monkey*~

~*Erika aka Musings from a Stay at Home Mom*~

~*Jenni aka Jenni From the Blog*~
~*Tiffany aka Momnom*~
~*Eileen aka Bringing Up Bronwyn*~
~*Amanda aka Mandalyn and the stinky cheese*~

~*Censide aka Building Our Story*~

The online world I knew pre-BlogHer is a world of backbiting, lies, betrayal, one-upping and ugliness amongst women sprinkled with dashes of caring and support just to be able to say 'It's all lies! We aren't catty bitches! We luuuurve each other! ((hugs))' **PMs online bestie** Zomg! did you see the stupid thing so-and-so did!

I'm sad to say that I was a part of it for far too long. Its easy to get sucked in and I've been on many sides of it. I've been supportive, knock-down, drag-out mean, spiteful, made attempts at misguided heroism, I've talked smack, I've been charitable, I've been sweet, helpful and I've created monsters in the form of online forums, I've been the victim and the victimizer. It's eat or be eaten in some places on the WWW and I was not about to be gobbled up by anyone. I've got a mouth and a keyboard and I wasn't afraid to use it. I chose my weapon and wielded it callously throughout the internet. And for any good I did along the way, I destroyed it with my carelessness.

And then one day I decided to stop. Because it's stupid, ridiculous, pointless and a massive waste of energy. And I'm a grown-ass woman that should know better.

It didn't happen all at once. I will confess (and I know it is no revelation to some) that I can be stubborn and spiteful and once you are on my bad side, there are not a lot of opportunities to get off of it. In short, at times I can act like a bigger child than my three year old can.

I'm not going to make excuses, apologies or beg for forgiveness from anyone. I don't want it, I don't need it and honestly I probably don't deserve it in some cases. I won't even tell you why, at the time, I felt justified in anything I said or did or how I went from quiet lurker to internet super-beast and back. Instead I've just closed that chapter of my life and I've moved on. I made a pledge to myself many months ago to act differently and BlogHer'11 solidified that resolve to be myself but to yield my weapons with conscience and care.

When I signed up for BlogHer'11 I worried that it would be more of the same. One internet super-beast after another just waiting for the chance to drag sharpened, freshly manicured talons across a keyboard. What I saw though were thousands of women bragging about each other. Talking about how they admire so-and-so, brainstorming, hugging, encouraging each other to be fearless and brave. 

BlogHer showed me that women can be supportive of each other. And that is the kind of woman I want to be. Not sometimes, not half the time but all the time. That doesn't mean I have to be your BFF...hell, I don't even have to like you. It means that I need to let you figure out your journey on your own. I don't need to school you or others on why I think you may or may not be an asshat. I know now that everyone can see it - just like some saw it in me. What it does mean is that if I think you are being a total asshat, then I will just walk away. I've never been one to leave blog comments but for the sake of this conversation: I won't leave blog comments, get on Twitter, Facebook or any public forum and make conversation that is anything outside of constructive or uplifting.

I've been doing a lot of that walking in the past year. Some of it forced but most of it on my terms and all of it resulting in relief. I am happy to be free of people, places and things that have long been poison in my life. I've eliminated behaviors from my repertoire that lead to more negative behavior and perpetuate this cycle of ugliness. There will always be parts of me that want to whip out my sharp tongue and tell you what's what. But honestly I'd rather exert that energy somewhere else. I won't call myself reformed or changed. I will just say I am trying to be the change I'd like to see in others and especially myself and that I am a work in progress.

Thank you, ladies of BlogHer'11 for demonstrating to me what a good place our online world can be. I'm looking forward to watching all of you meet the goals you strive for and hope that I can keep up on whatever capacity I choose in this blogging world.