Take it Off: Week 4
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
~Woody Allen
As I mentioned before, I've always been fat. Even at my lowest weight, I was still technically 'fat' by societal standards. In the past when I've lost a lot of weight, before I lost it, I contemplated what I might be like after I lost the weight. I don't know a me that isn't plus sized. What will it be like to be 'thin'? When you are seriously overweight - obese - and you think about losing weight and not being fat, about thirty seconds after the idea stops being exhilarating it just gets freaking scary. Everything you've ever known about your body will be no more. And you can't go back because if you go back you will die. Yes, that's dramatic, but its true. If you don't do something about this, it will kill you. The fat will tear your body apart, bit by bit until it takes over and you no longer exist.
But what about ME? Will changing my body kill my sense of self? Will I still like my body? Will my sense of humor change? Will people treat me differently? Will I treat people differently? Who am I when I am not the fat me? All of these questions are, in part, why I've never met a final weight loss goal. I am a self-saboteur.
Scratch that. I WAS a self-saboteur.
Here's the thing, people have lots of subconscious reasons that they don't lose weight. For some, the positive attention that weight loss brings makes them uncomfortable. For others, they worry about failure, how people will treat them, if they like you for the right reasons, the effort it will take to maintain, the change of lifestyle.
For me, it's a fear of success. Yes, success - not failure. I've always had a hard time keeping up with myself. I'm an idea person that doesn't have a lot of follow through. I find ways to create hurdles for myself. I get overwhelmed with the prospect of succeeding at something because I'm afraid of what the results will be. If I succeed at this, will I have time for that? If I succeed at this, will it dramatically change the things in my life that I'm happy with? I'm happy with the way things are, maybe I should just forget about this and stay this way.
Ultimately though, I'm not happy when I do that because then I just regret what could have been.
Over the past year, I've been making a lot of changes. I slowly realized my fear of success while painting a mural for my best friend's baby. She has often encouraged me to do something with my talent that I could turn into a career. I'm not quite *there* yet - but I feel like I am working towards it. I was diagnosed with ADD (something I long suspected was an issue) and began using techniques to correct/help that condition. I've eliminated a lot of unnecessary and negative activities and interactions from my life. I've made it a point to make and meet small goals. And now I am making the choice to finally be successful at losing weight and getting healthy.
I overcame a very major hurdle last week. I only lost one pound. After losing 12 pounds in 2 weeks, that was disappointing. But I did something I don't normally do. I rallied. I realized that particular week was beyond my control. I let myself have a low week, got back on the horse and continued on this weight loss journey. In the past, I would have said "F it, this is too hard, I'll just stay the way I am." I could have eaten all the snacks that were calling me from the kitchen. I could have walked right up to the corner and gotten an ice cream treat. I could have ordered that sesame chicken that I really, really, really wanted. I didn't do any of it.
I am not afraid to succeed at this. In fact, I can't wait to succeed at this so that I can show everyone how awesome this program really is. So what has changed? Why is this attempt so different from any other? A lot of it is mental, of course, but the biggest credit goes to Medifast. Medifast has made it easy for me to succeed. Everything is spelled out for me. The calories, fat, carbs and protein are all counted out and portioned. While I do recommend keeping a food journal, if that's not your style, or you don't have time, Medifast is perfect for you. There is no counting of calories or tracking of points throughout the majority of your day. You are on your own for your Lean & Green meal. But between their cookbook, the MyMedifast message boards and lots of creative bloggers, you'll never be at a loss for a recipe or someone to help you figure things out.
I'm no longer afraid of what I will lose when I lose weight. Rather I am looking forward to all I will gain with each loss. Success is a wonderful thing.
Week one: -7 lbs
Week two: -5 lbs
Week three: -1 lbs
Week four: -3 lbs
Total: 16 lbs gone forever!
Week three: -1 lbs
Week four: -3 lbs
Total: 16 lbs gone forever!
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*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn't like something in the program. :)
~*Censide aka Building Our Story*~
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