On this day

Today was an emotional day - but not a bad emotional day, it was a good one.

Today is our fifth wedding anniversary. My heart swells with the memories of the day. Being surrounded by our closest friends and family as I married the love of my life. 

It's very difficult for me to put into words the love I have for my husband. Somehow I struggle to find the words and the words that come to me are closely guarded and sealed inside my heart. He is my best friend and the one person in this world I trust with everything in my life. He's my greatest supporter, defender and confidant. My life before him consists only of hazy memories that have little consequence in my world.

I love you, Schmoop. Here's to many more years together. <3

• • •

Tomorrow is race day. I'm nervous as all get out. If you'd like to follow my progress in the race tomorrow, you can sign up for a variety of alerts here: http://bit.ly/BCBSR12tracking This will send you alerts at the 3,5,7 and 10 mile markers. Please don't make fun of my slowness.

Please note that there are three Kelly Browns in the race tomorrow. I will be the slowest of the three ;) haha
seriously though, you want to choose Kelly Brown, 34, New Castle DE. The only thing they didn't include was my damn Social and blood type. eesh. Fortunately there are like, 40 Kelly Browns in New Castle, DE. So good luck finding me if you are a weirdo. :P

So yeah, I'm nervous. As I make the final preparations for my very early and long day tomorrow, I'm reflecting on the past year and how far I've come. Recently I've been incredibly frustrated and angry with myself over my lack of progress. I should have been at goal ages ago yet here I sit with 12 more pounds to go. 

As I packed up my gear, I was furious that I am not at goal yet. I feel like Broad Street should be the feather in the cap of my accomplishment. I should be able to cross that finish line and exclaim 'I've lost 100lbs!'. Instead I fear that I'll be crossing that finish line with a heavy heart, full of disappointment that I have not yet met my goals. I hope that I can get past these negative thoughts and see what I know is the truth: that I am light years from where I was and I should feel nothing but pride and joy. 

I went shopping at Target on Friday night for a new t-shirt for the race. I hadn't planned on getting anything special - just a basic t-shirt. All of mine are way too big and I wanted something fitted, something that wouldn't get in my way. I stopped dead in my tracks when I found a shirt that was beyond perfect. A shirt with two sparrows in flight.

I came to win

to fight

to conquer

to thrive

to fly

I will remember to be grateful, happy and most of all proud. I deserve to be proud.