I'm in pain. A lot of it. Muscles I didn't even know I had hurt right now.

Yes. I am totally being a baby and totally being dramatic.

I am not really one to make New Year's Resolutions. I know me. I know that if I make promises to myself and put pressure on myself, the chances of said promise happening are pretty much nill. Commitments to others, I have a fairly decent track record for following through. I might take it down to the wire but I almost always follow through. Promises to myself? Nope. Not gonna happen. This is one of the many things I know about myself.

Something else I know is that I have a weight problem. I've had one all my life. I was a huge baby (10lbs, 10oz at birth), I was a fat kid, a fat teenager, a fat adult – and if you didn't blink I was actually almost thin in my late 20's – and then I had a kid and got fat again.

I'm actually pretty ok with it. In the last 10 years or so I've come to realize that there are far bigger issues in life to deal with. Besides, I've got a cute face. You can get away with anything when you're cute. ;) har har

Don't get me wrong, I have bad days. But this is me. I like me and as long as I am healthy, I can deal with some poundage. My husband knew me fat and he knew me not as fat and he knows me fat again. I'll never be thin, its not my body type. I once asked him if it bothered him that I am overweight. If you ever needed definitive proof that I married the most precious, thoughtful, loving man on Earth, here it is. When asked if the size of my body bothers him he replied: How could it bother me? How could I not love this body? This is the body that created our daughter.

He might be lying but he's an awful liar, so I choose to believe he was being sincere. Even if he is lying, how sweet is it that he could say it with a straight face?

Recently I’ve been presented with the motivation to make some changes. The fact of the matter is that right now, I am not healthy. I've been sitting around too much, drinking too much juice or regular soda, too many late night snacks, having too many extra bites. What's the saying in Weight Watchers? LTB calories? Licks, tastes and bites? And this has been going on for far too long – almost three years.

However, I am not making a resolution.

I am not making any promises to myself.

I have to backtrack a little here and go off into another story. Early last week I decided that we needed to do something about our financial situation. We are not in a sinking ship by any means but we could be doing a lot better. By Friday I was able to acquire a low interest loan to consolidate all of our debt (less our mortgage). This will lower the total amount of money going out the door every month and what's best is we will be debt free in less than four years. Goodbye credit cards, Hello cash life!

We had put off having another child because C and I both agree that its not responsible of us to have another child if the financial situation seemed even a little shaky. We wanted our children to be closer in age but such is life that things don't always work out as you'd hoped. Until last Friday, I thought it would be a few more years until we had another baby. But now, having another child is back on the table. We've freed up money, we are in the works of getting a better family car and things are really looking up. We're going to let the financial 'dust' settle and maybe try for a baby in the late summer/ early fall.

Which brings me back around to my original point. (yes, I actually have one.)

I don't make resolutions and I usually do not keep promises that I make to myself. Monday morning I sat at my desk and thought about future baby. I thought about how I would like my pregnancy to be. How I want to be healthy and more importantly I want future baby to be healthy. I thought about how I want Izzy to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food and activity. I thought about how Christian will probably live to be 103 because everyone in his family lives forever. Will I be there? Will I get my act together and make it to my 90's? Will I die young and let him hook up with some old biddy in the nursing home in his remaining years? Over my fat, dead body! Who would make smart ass comments and give him dirty looks if I die?

As I sat at my desk thinking about our good fortune, the change in our plans, my health, my family's health, our longevity and our overall happiness I quietly made a promise to my husband, Izzy and future baby.

I promise I am going to work on this health thing.

I am not going to make a bombastic declaration to lose every last pound until I hit my scientifically determined 'ideal' weight. I'm not promising to cut out goodies or to stop being a loaf. I'm not promising anyone that I will ever run a marathon at any point in my life.

But I am making the promise to them that I will work on this. I will get healthier. I will be more active. I will treat myself to the good health that I work for them to have. I might falter but I will keep trying. I may never get any less fat but all my organs will be in tip top shape. I'm going to start small and work my way up the hill.

So today, I am in pain.

I've been pretty sedentary for a while so I thought I should start small for exercise. Most of my exercise this week has consisted of using Wii Fit. It's pretty pathetic when you are sore from Wii Fit. Believe me, even I am making fun of me. The original plan was to warm up for a week with the Wii and then dive head first into the 30 Day Shred. I’m beginning to rethink that plan. I’ve done the 30DS consistently before. It’s a beast. I hate it. It’s a great workout. But it's not for someone that was a few shallow breaths away from a coma.

So, seeing as how I am struggling to lift my coffee cup to my lips after a week of Wii Fit, I think I need some more time in the remedial class so that I don’t hurt myself.
I will conquer 30DS soon enough. But first, I need to hit 1600 rotations at the hula hoop game on the Wii. ;)

If anyone tries to tell you that the Wii isn’t a good starter workout for the terminal couch potato, well I have a spare nunchuck controller you can whack them in the knee with.

(Disclaimer: To the few readers I have, I probably won't make any progress posts or get all showy about my successes or failures. It’s just not how I roll. But I don’t want y’all to assume I’m not sticking to my promise just because I don’t post about it.)