Take it off | Week 56: The Spiral

I gained two pounds by Friday last week. 

::groan::

Then I lost it. 

::yay!::

But, I still lost nothing between this week and last. I am still at a total loss of 86 pounds.

::kicks sand::

I'm fairly certain that the good fortune I had last week in not gaining from my indulgences ran out. Those extra carbs finally caught up to my by Friday. Oh well. These things will happen when you go off plan. Lesson learned. 

Again.

Last week was rough. I was SUPER hungry all week. By Friday - even though it pained me to do so after seeing the numbers on the scale - I switched from the 5&1 plan to the 4&2. I hit the salad bar on my lunch break. It was only for the day and frankly, just what I needed. I felt so much better. Like many people, I've been fighting terrible allergies the past few weeks and I have been wiped out! That extra bit of protein gave me the boost I needed. I went back to the 5&1 on Saturday and Sunday and I'm continuing it today. Though it is causing me to wonder if I should start to transition to the 4&2 plan. And honestly, it makes me nervous. I'm so excited to be so close to goal, so close to transitioning. But I am also scared to change anything I'm doing. What if it means a gain? Because seriously y'all, when I think about having to report a gain to all of you, it makes me really sad, like I've somehow let you all down.

Silly, right? I mean I've come this far, never having to report a gain on Monday weigh ins. Surely I can have a misstep and it will be okay. And that's just it...in my head, for me personally, it is okay. I know how to fix a gain, I know how to right the ship. And even though I tend to repeat my mistakes, they've never resulted in total failure. But I have to tell you, it's a lot of pressure knowing that people are looking to me to build their confidence. That I might ruin your motivation by faltering. That to me, more than gaining a pound or two, is what would be devastating. I don't want to let you guys down.

Yes, I am aware of how self-absorbed that sounds - just stay with me here. Y'all leave me the nicest comments, telling me I've inspired you and I'd be really disappointed to let any of you down. I'm human though and ups and downs will happen. But I start thinking about this and get all antsy and start daydreaming about queso and margaritas.

It's the shame spiral. I've stopped allowing other worries to cause me to emotionally eat and now I am burdening myself with new crap to worry about. And none of it really has anything to do with me!  Because the reality is that I'm responsible for me and you are responsible for you. And if you use my pitfalls as a reason to spiral downward - well you were just looking for a reason anyway. Just like getting myself all worked about about the possibility of letting people down is me looking for an excuse to let the spiral being. I mean that's what emotional eating is all about - blaming everything else for our problems. Vicious, vicious spiral. 

So before I go way off the deep end here (too late?) and leave you with a million question marks floating over your head and wondering if my blood sugar is too low or something, I'm fine. I'm just telling you about some of my (irrational) thoughts as I get closer to goal. I'm not looking for you to tell me that its okay to run out and eat a sleeve of Chips A'hoy, gain 10lbs and you'll still be with me. I'm not looking for you to pat me on the back and tell me it will all be okay. I just think its important for me to get this junk out of my head, Because for as much as a self-absorbed a-hole that I am, I know you'll be okay no matter how things turn out for me. The journey you are on, I didn't do this. You did. And I will not sink so low as to take credit for your accomplishments. While I appreciate the beautiful comments people leave for me, telling me how I've inspired them, I know you had it in you all along.

And so do I.

Instead of going down, down, down, I'm going to let my spiral grow up and out and wide. 

Month One: -16 lbs

Month Two: -5 lbs
Month Three: -6 lbs
Month Four: -6 lbs
Month Five: -6 lbs
Month Six: -8.5 lbs

Month Seven: -7.5 lbs

Month Eight: -5 lbs

Month Nine: -2 lbs

Month Ten: -5 lbs

Month Eleven: -6 lbs
Month Twelve: -4 lbs
Month Thirteen: -6.5 lbs

Week fifty three: -1.5
Week fifty four: -.5

Week fifty five: -.5

Week fifty six: 0 :(

Total: 86 lbs gone forever! Current weight: 154 lbs Distance from goal: 14 lbs!!

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*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn't like something in the program. :) 
Medifast products and the Medifast Program are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or illness. Any medical improvements noted while on the program are related to weight loss in general, and not to Medifast products or programs.

~*Stephanie at A Grande Life*~ 
~*Jenni at Jenni From the Blog*~

~*Stephanie at Goober Monkey*~

~*Alison at O My Family*~

~*Jessica at The Unemployed Mom*~

~*Mariana at The Domestic Buzz*~