Kelly Brown Says: Take it off | Week 39: Resting on my laurels

So last week pretty much sucked. I came off the high of running my first 5k and dove head first, onto the concrete without a helmet, JackAss-style into the week of Thanksgiving.

Monday brought sleepless nights, ear infections and vomit showers at 1am, all thanks to my three year old.

Tuesday was all about propping my eyelids open with toothpicks, emergency run to the doctor, grocery shopping for the Thanksgiving feast, dropping the sick kid off with my husband and going back to work to make up the missed time.

Wednesday was all whatever. I can't even remember Wednesday except that I stayed up late to clean the house like a maniac and prep all the food for Thursday. This included bringing out all the antique china that was newly covered in soot from our busted heater. We've all got black lung now. True story.

Did I mention how exhausted I was all week? Cuz I was. It also rained every stinking day so that meant no running. And that my friends is the down side to my ingenious plan of not paying for a gym. Doesn't pay to be cheap. I also fell out of tracking my food and chose to do it in my head. I think I kept track pretty well - but how can I really know?

I had huge plans last week as far as food was concerned. I was making and hosting the dinner and was making an alternate low-carb feast for myself.

I made:

oven roasted veggies: broccoli, cauliflower and a few coined carrots (carrots are not really on plan and I picked around those) sprinkled w/ EVO and sea salt.
cauliflower mashed potatoes

Source: prideandvegudice.com via Kelly on Pinterest

Low Carb pecan pie tarts (well, low carb when compared to real pecan pie)

Source: lowcarbohydrate.blogspot.com via Kelly on Pinterest

And of course I made all the usual trimmings so as not to torture my guests. They aren't used to living low carb - I didn't want to set their world ablaze on a holiday. ;)

My game plan was to stick to the veggies, 'mashed potatoes', turkey and pecan pie tarts. I planned to sample other Thanksgiving treats - just a spoonful of sweet potatoes, a dollop of green bean casserole, a bite of baked pineapple. My overall plan for the holiday weekend was to maintain.

I greatly overestimated my ability to control my binge eating during my first major holiday and in the midst of a pretty shitty week. I've been doing really well at staying on plan and honestly I think I got a little cocky.

The day started out ok. I had three Medifast meals and then snacked on the veggie tray. But here's the thing - I really don't like holidays. (and let me apologize in advance, but mom and dad, this is just how I feel. I've got to be honest.) Every holiday is a glaring reminder of how broken our family is. And while I am used to it on a day to day basis, during a holiday, it is heart breaking for me.

When I was a kid my Mommom would host all of the holidays. She was an awesome hostess - great food, pretty table settings, candy dishes, poinsettias, matching china and silverware. From hors d'oeuvres to coffee and dessert, she had the holiday game down pat. She was the glue of our family. We were cracked and tattered then but even still we all came together for the holidays. She's been gone for about ten years now and it has never been the same. My mother made a few attempts but her poor health prevents her from really putting out all the necessary effort it takes to host a holiday dinner. Then my brother moved back in with my parents and spends the holidays locked in his room largely ignoring all of us when we visit. My brother's kids are with their mother and her family, my great aunt is with her church friends and all of my uncles are off with their significant others....or somewhere...who knows. So its the three of us, my parents and my grandmother - who delights in telling us endless stories about how miserable my grandfather made her when he was alive (and apparently still does in death).

Long story short, the brokenness of our holiday got the better of me and I indulged a bit more than I should have. I didn't go screaming off the reservation but my dollops and nibbles turned into large spoonfuls and chomps. I also had the eensiest sliver off pumpkin pie (like for real, it was paper thin. I can be ok with that, right?).

Then we had left overs. ugh. I sent a lot of the left overs home with my parents but we still had some. And I shouldn't have. I should have just pretended they weren't there. And can I tell you what those left overs did to my stomach? Well, lets just say I'm not used to all that crap anymore and I got to read a lot of magazines over the weekend that I never have time to read. Between you and me, I don't think that Kardashian marriage is going to last much longer.

My big achievement though was sending any and all left over baked goods out of the house. That way there was no chance of it falling into my mouth.

So my point is, its not so much I am beating myself up over this. Because all things considered I did very well for my first major holiday on this plan. But what it has shown me is that for as far as I've come, I still have a lot of work to do. I realize now that even though I have a handle on every day binge eating, I still need to find a way to cope for bigger occasions. Currently I've decided that I do not want another big holiday dinner for Christmas. I told Christian that I would go out to dinner. I feel like I would have better control over my choices as I usually do really well with eating out. Also, there would be no left overs. We've also discussed going away for the holiday.

In the end though, this would be a temporary solution. I can't avoid holidays forever and need to find a way to work past these things. And even though I stumbled with this holiday, believe it or not I feel more confident to handle the next. I no longer feel like I am going in blind. I'm more aware of what will trigger binge eating...now the challenge is finding a way to deal with it.

I will keep trying until I get it right. I will not let it spiral until I have absolutely no control. I will let myself be ok with indulging from time to time, all the while keeping my eye on the goal and keeping myself in check. I will do this until I get it right once and for all.

• • •

Hold on to your hats. I'm down a whopping .2lbs this week. Yeah, you read that right: point two. I usually don't count such small increments as a note-worthy loss. But in an effort to cut myself a break, I'm taking it!

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

P.S. Could you please take a moment to vote for Christian and I for a wedding re-do contest? Voting is open through the 30th. You can read more about the contest here.

Month One: -16 lbs

Month Two: -5 lbs

Month Three: -6 lbs

Month Four: -6 lbs

Month Five: -6 lbs

Month Six: -8.5 lbs
Month Seven: -7.5 lbs
Month Eight: -5 lbs
Month Nine: -2 lbs

Week thirty seven: -1 lbs

Week thirty eight: -3 lbs (wowza!)
Week thirty nine: -.2 lbs (pssshhhhhh.)

Total: 66.2 lbs gone forever!
Current weight: 173.8 lbs
Distance from goal: 33.8 lbs!!

If you're interested in trying Medifast, I have a great deal for you! Use the code TURNIP50 to get $50 off an order of $275.

*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn't like something in the program. :)