Take it off | Week 66: Secrets and Hard Truths

Anyone that has ever had to change anything about their lives knows the 'Moment of Truth.' That's the moment when you are confronted with the hard and sometime unbearable truths of you life. This could be anything from your job, your financial habits, an addiction, your health, a friendship or a partnership. It's that moment when you say to yourself  'Cut the crap. This has to change.' This is the moment when you realize you've run out of excuses and you have no choice but to change everything you are doing.
Yet somehow, even though lying to yourself or ignoring obvious truths was how you got here to begin with, you still find a way to lie to yourself by omission or keeping secrets.
The lies you tell yourself are the biggest betrayal you will ever be met with. And as long as you continue to lie to yourself, nothing will ever change. From the little nibbles that you don't track, to telling yourself that you'll just take a longer walk tomorrow, these seemingly inconsequential lies add up as quickly and easily as the calories.
I was having a conversation with a friend about losing weight. She's a blogger who is starting a weight loss journey of her own. She was torn about sharing her actual weight with her readers. My friend was looking for advice, and honestly, I think she may have been hoping I'd say it was okay to not share.

And it would have been okay, if that was what she chose to do. It's her journey and I have no right to dictate how she should forge her path. But my opinion was requested and I'm always happy to oblige with an opinion. ;)

I recalled the beginning of my journey and how I did not want to reveal the number (though I ultimately did). It's so strange how we think we can fool people around us by diluting the truth. I was willing to tell you that I wanted to lose 90-100 pounds. But somehow, revealing my actual weight...I'd sooner take a hot poker to the eye. And really its quite ridiculous when you see a photo of me and could see that I was every bit of 240 pounds.

I could easily keep that number a secret but the struggle and pain that are the foundation for that number would never be secret. I carried it with me, no, ON me every day. I may as well have been wearing a sandwich board sign with my numbers on it. That would have been only slightly more conspicuous.

No matter what version of the truth I told people, there was no denying the visual evidence: I was morbidly obese.

So while my friend may have hoped I would tell her to keep it to herself, instead I gave my honest opinion: do it. Don't create another avenue in which you can lie to yourself by virtue of hanging this veil of mystery around yourself. Put it all out there. Release yourself from the burden of secrets and white lies. Take the power away from the numbers. 

Keeping secrets is like Spanx for your ego. EgoSpanx don't make you any less overweight. They just squish things down long enough for you to play pretend. Eventually though, this constrictive garment gets uncomfortable and burdensome and you've got to take the EgoSpanx off. Then where are you? Right back where you started with your shitty numbers, your spare tire and some nasty welts. 

Lies are always revealed in time. Liars are always caught. And being fat is the epitome of being caught red-handed. 

You can hide from that number all you please but that doesn't stop people from seeing the plain truth that's in front of their face. Hiding that number won't stop people from seeing the suffering that you carry in your belly, butt and thighs.

That number means nothing yet so much of our self worth is wrapped up in it when we are ashamed to admit it. Why? Because when you know you are lying to yourself, you know that you don't value yourself as much as you should.
Its because every ounce of every overweight pound is wrapped in shame, misdeeds, self loathing, lies, painful memories and worst of all, failure. Every pound past your ideal that you have to admit to is an admission of how you let 'it' drag you down. You are admitting that you let gave away pieces of yourself to someone or something. You are admitting that you are weak and scared and more than a little broken. You are admitting that you had so little respect for yourself and so little value in your self-worth and this one precious body you've been gifted that you choose to destroy yourself with food, destructive behaviors and lies.

If you confess your number, you'd be admitting that you are fallible, vulnerable and flawed.

I'll tell you a secret: That's the description of every person you've ever met. 

The playing field has officially just been leveled. No one has the advantage now and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

I want you to admit your number. 

There's so much needless shame wrapped around obesity. Release yourself from the shame of this number.
It's going to hurt. You might feel embarrassed. But it will just be for a moment. 
Trust me, you'll feel lighter despite the number. The secrets and lies that have been weighing you down will slowly fall away.

My challenge to you this week: Tell the truth. Be honest with yourself. Stop keeping secrets. Tell me your number. You can leave me a comment here, Facebook or Twitter (using the hashtag #TruthIsFreedom). Not ready to admit it to the world? Tell at least one person your number. But no matter who you tell, do it proudly and with resolve in your heart to do something about it.

I will even give you some incentive. Tell me your number in the comments, on Facebook or Twitter and enter the drawing below. One random confession will win this necklace from Dogeared jewelry.
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You may have noticed from the lack of posts in the last week (more so than usual). I'll be honest with you, I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not currently in love with my job...and really, that's nothing new. To be quite frank, I'm pretty miserable at the moment when it comes to my job and that just seeps into every aspect of my life. And to be clear: its me, it's not the company or job itself (its simply easier to refer to it on the whole as the job.) Sure there are things to be improved upon - but we're not going to talk about that here. :)

I feel as though I'm coming to a crossroads and its not the least bit exciting. Change does not excite me. It makes me anxious and worried. I apologize for being so vague. The truth of the matter is that I have no idea what the hell is going on either. Last week was filled with disappointment and jealousy over things I want and simply are not an option right now. But at the same time, I feel as though huge changes are coming.

So what does this have to do with my weight loss? 


Which I did none of, thank you very much!

Oh but I was SO tempted. I had to get lotto tickets for the work crew last week. I went to the grocery store during my lunch break. I walked up and down all those aisles. I read labels. I considered my choices. Ultimately, after having a very long conversation with myself in my head, I walked out with lotto tickets, a sugar free jello cup and a diet Coke. And I never actually ended up eating the jello (even though its an approved optional snack on 5&1).
So, I don't know...but I think I may have this stress-eating thing quelled. Not beaten by any means - but caged and resting quietly. Huge. HUGE!

Month One: -16 lbs
Month Two: -5 lbs
Month Three: -6 lbs
Month Four: -6 lbs
Month Five: -6 lbs
Month Six: -8.5 lbs
Month Seven: -7.5 lbs
Month Eight: -5 lbs
Month Nine: -2 lbs
Month Ten: -5 lbs
Month Eleven: -6 lbs
Month Twelve: -4 lbs
Month Thirteen: -6.5 lbs
Month Fourteen: -3.5 lbs
Month Fifteen: -1 lbs
Week sixty two: 1 WHAT?! WHAT?! (its actually 1lb and some change. But we are just gonna call it 1)
Week sixty three: 1
Week sixty four: -.5
Week sixty five: -2.5
Week sixty six: -1
Total: 92.5 lbs gone forever! Current weight: 145.5 lbs Distance from goal: 5.5 lbs!!

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*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn't like something in the program. :)
Medifast products and the Medifast Program are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or illness. Any medical improvements noted while on the program are related to weight loss in general, and not to Medifast products or programs.

Dogeared Jewelry is not sponsoring this giveaway and in no way endorses this site, this giveaway or the opinions in this post. The Turnip Farmer is solely responsible for this giveaway.